The beauty of it all

I love sunsets.  I so wish that I could look out my window and enjoy them every night.  However, there are many things blocking my view, buildings, trees and frankly a lack of windows on the west side of my home.  But every once in awhile I am fortunate enough to catch a beauty on my way home.  Last night was one of those nights.  I pulled into the parking lot near my home and just took a minute to soak it in.  The thing that makes sunsets so incredibly beautiful to me is the variation.  The variation in color and tone.  The darkness and the light blending together to create a beautiful, breathing moment of real life art.  I believe that is the same with life.  The shining moments of our lives are quite obviously beautiful.  They create wonderful memories that make us smile.  They are recalled with fondness.  Dark moments are different.  I don't like the darkness that is inevitable in our lives.  Yet, only with the darkness can the light be made so much brighter and beautiful.  Though darkness is uncomfortable, and discouraging there is beauty in it.  There is beauty in it because it creates the variation in our own lives. For me, I find I can recall moments of darkness with fondness as well.  It takes longer to get to that point, but often those moments are filled with life lessons, and love from angels, both earthly and those that have gone before.  No, I don't look forward to dark times and I long for them to pass but because of the darkness 

I can see the beauty of it all.

Life lessons and a football

So I was innocently folding the laundry the other day when tears started to flow and I began to cry, ya know the nose sniffing, can't see through your eyelashes kind of  cry.  The reason?  Rudy.  Yep, the football movie.  There are a few movies that always make me cry no matter how many times I watch them and Rudy is one of them.  And quite frankly I like watching them alone without the weird looks from my kids so I can cry without judgement.  I noticed this morning a midst my tears that there are a plethora of life lessons in that Hollywood format.  Lessons that I think are important enough to intertwine into my own life.

1. Have a dream - Rudy always wanted to play football, in particular Notre Dame Football, he talked about it, thought about it, dreamed about it.  
2. Take a chance, - Rudy left a secure job, a girlfriend, and his family behind to pursue that dream.
3. Prepare continually - The entire time he is attending the Jr. College he is preparing physically for the dream and goal he has,  he doesn't wait until he achieved the first part of his goal.
4. Find the blessings a midst the trials - Every time he applies to Notre Dame and gets rejected he gets more and more frustrated, but he is reminded that even if he doesn't make the team he has received a wonderful education.
5. Know why you are doing something - He is mocked and put down by the other football players for his 100% effort, but he doesn't let it stop him because he understands why he is doing it.
6. Understand and accept who you are - At the end of his Junior year when he visits the coach he says, "I have come to understand that I will always be on the prep team."  He makes adjustments to his goal, he knows he will never be the star player, but doesn't quit when he comes to that realization.
7. Ask for help - In that same scene with the coach, he simply asks to play, he wasn't going to be able to make it with out help.
8. FINISH - The final practice of the year, he quits.  He is done and feels like there is nothing left of his dream.  He is once again reminded by people around him that can see the bigger picture that it was the journey that transformed him, and he returns to practice and finishes.

The thing is that at end of the movie, during the game, nothing fantastic really happens.  He didn't win the game for them.  He did make a great play, but it didn't change the outcome of the game.  Yet he was carried off the field not for what he did on the field but for what he did off.  They acknowledged his journey, what he had become and what he had given them in the process.

I don't think that your dream has to be big, and the chance you take could be as small as facing your fear of looking foolish, or giving up a little of your time to work at something.  Understanding who you are comes with accepting limitations and sometimes adjusting the end goal.  Ultimately the thing I love and learned the most from my morning was it truly is about the change the happens on the way to the end that means more than anything else.   I am finding that so much time in life is wasted in the dream phase, time wasted in the thinking, and talking stage, without ever doing something about it.  For me it has been really hard trying to figure out what my dreams are, that is where I have wasted a great deal of time, believing that I don't have any dreams.  But I do, I have dreams.  I just need to be more intentional with my dreams and goals.  I need to focus on the change that is happening in the now more than the end result.  I need to be the catalyst for my children, and help them realize all these own things for their own journey.  Can you imagine the power that could be opened up?  Thanks Rudy.

Intentional

Have you ever been asked the question, "What three words define you best?".  I have, in almost every job interview I have ever had.  Well, it has been a REALLY long time since I have had any kind of interview and yet that question has been trailing me around like a two year old who needs a drink, clamoring for attention and sometimes tripping me up.  I have this theory that when you really know who you are and can define what makes you the individual that God so lovingly created, you can move mountains.  Okay maybe not MOUNTAINS, but at least move that clump of dirt that keeps tripping you on your way to your final destination.  I think I am like a lot of other individuals, particularly women, who get lost on our way to the ultimate goal.  I feel pulled in a thousand different directions as I take care of my family, volunteer positions, church callings, and my own health issues as well as the things that I would like to improve about myself.   I would like to reign in my life, wrap my arms around all that I have going on and know the best way I can handle this little thing called life.  Hence the question, "What three words define you best?"  So ever so slowly I think I have come up with the first word on my list.

INTENTIONAL

Many good things in my life have come as a result of thougthfullness, goal setting, and careful consideration in the decision process.  When that happens I am living an intentional life.  That is the life that I want to live.  But there is a flip side, see, the thing about intentions is that they can become stagnant,  I've heard more than once that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  So the challenge is to use your intentions to make the choices you face every day. When you define your intention, then allow action to follow once again we begin to live an intentional life.  I want my decisions to be intentional.  Meaning I want to mean what I do, and I want what I do to have meaning.

Intentions mean that you have thought about the outcome.  I am reminded of my kids playing together, one spinning in a circle haphazardly with a toy in their hand, while the other watches innocently.  The toy then is suddenly released from the first childs' fingers hitting said innocent child in the head.  First thing out of the mouth? (after the initial scream) "But I didn't mean to."  My response is always the same, just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean that you didn't hurt the other person.  I mean have you ever heard someone say,  "I didn't mean to make them happy", or "It was not my fault things turned out so well."?  Good results are usually intended when negative things seem to slip by.  I want to be content with the responsibility that I hold in the outcomes of my life.

I want my actions to truly reflect who I am.  I want to be able to look at how I spent my time and be grateful for the experiences that I have allowed to be a part of my day.  Period.  Because with every choice I intentionally choose to become closer to the person that I want to be.

I believe that when I can start to implement this in my life there will be better balance.  Where there are intentional choices there is balance.  Okay, seriously, that was just a HUGE epiphany for me.  Let me just think about that statement again.  Where there are intentional choices there is balance.  That means that my balance does not have to look like balance in someone else's life.  Thinking about that frees me just a little. If my balance can truly be unique to my life than I can be my own success.  That means balance on a Monday could be full of family obligations and errands, and balance on a Friday may mean a day with time for me and my cute husband, and then a moment when I am all by my sweet self.

A favorite quote of mine has often been stated by Thomas S. Monson, "Our choices determine our destiny", and I believe intentional choices take us where we want to go.

I may not be able to firmly say, "This is who I am.....yet",  but it is who I want to be.

So, the first word that I want to define who I am is INTENTIONAL.

Real Life

I started checking in on a number of blogs about two years ago.  To be honest I had a love/hate relationship with my regular check ins.  The lives I peeked in on seemed to be so put together.  Their children were clean, smiling and every hair was in place.  They traveled to exotic places and gave their family fantastic opportunities.  Dinner was well balanced and always on the table.  To top it all off every experience was documented with beautiful lighting in the most stunning photos I had every seen.  The kind of pictures that make you wish you were there, a part of the moment.  Inadequate, that is how I felt.  It was hard for me to imagine that these people could ever have a bad day.  Some how I think I believed that they were immune to real life.  Then thankfully I came across a post that was so undeniably relate-able I wanted to cry, but instead I just giggled, knowing that someone else out there in the blog world was real.  I couldn't find the exact post but anyone listed here lets me know that my life is pretty normal.  I also really like this post, she does a great job of comparing what we see with reality.  So in honor of real life and to begin a documentation of not only the sunshine and roses but the rainstorms and thorns I would like to welcome you to my house after a couple of weeks of trying to make memories before school started.  

We bought a new bed for our room, the mattress stayed in the front room for about 3 weeks while I decided what color to paint.  Guess what?  We never repainted.  It is finally set up.

This is a dropping ground, for purchases, shoes, gear for the next or previous planned activity.

At least there are clean dishes waiting to be put away and not just dirty dishes in the sink.

Laundry. Bleh.

Our desk is our own personal "Zion", the gathering place of our home.

I hope that my kids remember the reality of life and how we deal with imperfection allows us to grow.  Not to worry, the dishes were put away, clothes washed, and around the island causes no severe injuries.