A couple of Sundays ago I was called into the Bishops office and he asked me if I would be the pianist for the Relief Society....(dramatic pause). Seriously?! ME?! I wondered if he knew how frightfully inept I would be, if he knew that I would make mistake after mistake, if he knew there was not very many things scarier than that request, yet I heard myself say I would be willing to accept the calling.
There are two reasons that I accepted despite my fears and misgivings. The first reason happened a long time ago, right after I returned home from my mission. A member of the Bishopric stopped by the house and the following dialogue occurred: him, "will you be the girls camp director?", me, " you do know I only went to camp one year, right?" him, "that's okay" me, "I don't know anything about camping." him, "that's okay". Apparently he had much for faith in me than I did. I then responded with words I don't ever like to hear, "I can't". But I felt positive that it was the only answer that made sense. I just knew I wasn't capable, and I convinced myself that there was not a responsible parent alive that would want to send their daughter with someone so inexperienced as myself. So I chose not to serve. It has always bothered me because I gave up a chance to expand, learn, and serve. I'm sure I would have made a lot of mistakes, heck we probably would have eaten hot dogs every meal, (the only camping food I knew how to make at the time). But I would have come home with so much more, and I don't think the girls would have minded one bit. I chose to avoid something that made me uncomfortable and in turn an opportunity was lost.
The second reason is still kind of an ongoing event. About 4 1/2 years ago I was serving in the primary presidency. It was January and I was listing my goals for the year, I listed "relearn the piano". The thing is it wasn't just a thought, I knew the Lord needed me to learn it. I just didn't know why. So I started, I pulled out some old music and began practicing a little. Sadly, it only lasted for about a month. I looked around the ward and wondered why I would ever need this skill there were so many pianist that were really good, so once again I quit. Then 2 1/2 years ago our ward split, I once again found myself in the primary presidency and at our first meeting we talked about who was qualified to serve in the music. The president looked around and asked each one of us if we played the piano, to at least get us through until we found someone. We soon realized there were very few people in the entire ward that played. And everyone who did play already had a calling. I was dumbfounded, I felt like the Lord was saying, "I told you I needed you, how come you didn't listen?" So I started once again, and soon realized that I needed lessons, because I didn't remember much from when I was younger. A good friend of mine agreed to teach me and the adventure began. I substituted as the pianist a couple of times before the actual calling came and every time was so scary. I know I am not good, I make SOOO many mistakes, I have a hard time slowing my breathing down and my hands sweat like no other. So why did I say yes, because I know I am not alone in this little adventure.
The Lord will not make me perfect in this but he will strengthen me, and I will do it because I trust Him.
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